Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Not Me!
by AnubisFearie
Summary: What happens when all the Ranma cast appear to be on some kind of drug and host a game show? Who will survive Ranma's onslaught of chickens and beans? Why is Mousse in a tree? The answers shall be found here! ^_~


Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Not Me!  
  
By: AnubisFearie  
  
*WARNING! This fic is extremely stupid and may rot some of your brain!  
  
~*~  
  
Audience: YAY!!!!!!! claps insanley  
  
Soun: Okay, you can stop applauding now...  
  
Audience: Continues clapping  
  
Soun: What are you still clapping about?  
  
Genma: Looks up The "APPLAUSE" sign is still flashing.  
  
Soun: EVERYBODY IGNORE IT!  
  
Audience: Shuts up  
  
Soun: *Ahem* Welcome to "Who Wants to be a Millionaire"... Nerima-style! I'm your host, Regis Fi-- uhm, I mean Soun Tendo! Let's meet our contestants, shall we? Pulls out cards, reads Our first is Chinese Amazon bath product.... SHAMPOO!  
  
Shampoo: Bounds onto stage AIYAA! Shampoo win already?  
  
Soun: No, you didn't win! How did this ditz get on the show?  
  
Shampoo: Grabs Soun by the shirt collar Shampoo no is ditz... you want take back that now?  
  
Soun: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Now, please just take your seat.  
  
Shampoo: Sits down and grins  
  
Soun: Our next contestant is a half-pig directionally challenged hopeless romantic... RYOGA HIBIKI!  
  
Ryoga: Crosses arms, looks slightly nervous I'm not sure if I approve of being called that.  
  
Soun: Don't look at me, Ranma wrote that one.  
  
Ryoga: Figures. Sits down and looks pissed  
  
Soun: Next up is my violent tomboyish daughter... AKANE TENDO!  
  
Akane: Runs up to Soun and hits him with a frying pan Who are you calling a violent tomboy, dad?!?!  
  
Soun: Passes out  
  
Genma: You killed him! Oh the humanity!  
  
Ryoga: She did not... look he's getting up now.  
  
Soun: Takes his seat, has a giant lump on his head Owww... okay. Next contestent. Myopic Shampoo-obsessed dumb-as-a-rock Chinese Amazon... MOUSSE!  
  
Mousse: Doesn't have glasses on, begins hitting Ryoga How dare you call me such names, Tendo?!  
  
Ryoga: Punches Mousse in the gut Put your glasses on, you dumb jerk!  
  
Mousse: Puts on glasses, looks embarressed Oh. Quietly takes his seat, blushing  
  
Soun: Uh.....huh. Well, let's see, this contestant is a sex obsessed panty stealing decreped old lecher... HAPPOSAI!  
  
Happi: WOOOHOOO! Grabs Akane's chest Hey baby! Want to limbo?  
  
Akane: PERVERT! Slaps Happi away  
  
Soun: Yeah, whatever. Our final contestant is a crossdressing okonomiyaki chef... UKYO KUONJI!  
  
Ukyo: Sits down and crosses arms I am not a crossdresser, you jackass.  
  
Soun: Yes you are.  
  
Ukyo: Am not.  
  
Soun: Are!  
  
Ukyo: Not!  
  
Ranma: Hold it! Runs onto stage, audience mumble to each other How the hell could I not be a contestant?! I'm the star of the show!  
  
Shampoo: Shampoo love Ranma! Let Ranma be on show, Tendo!  
  
Ukyo: Yeah! Let my Ranma Honey be on!  
  
Akane: Why do you always have to be the center of attention, Ranma?  
  
Ranma: Shoves face into camera I do not.  
  
Ryoga: Slaps Ranma Get lost!  
  
Mousse: Yeah, you aren't wanted here!  
  
Ranma: Puppy dog eyes  
  
Audience: Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwww!!!  
  
Happi: Plays with a bra  
  
Soun: Son, just scram before I kick your ass.  
  
Ranma: I shall plot a truly devious revenge and come back to put it in action. Good day! Storms off  
  
Soun: All right. Now for our fastest finger question to decide who gets up here first...  
  
Put the following people in whatever order you fell like.  
  
A.) Akane B.) Ranma C.) Bob D.) Mousse  
  
Soun: Times up!  
  
Ryoga: That was a really stupid question.  
  
Akane: Who's Bob?  
  
Bob: Me.  
  
Soun: Bite me. And the answer is... A, B, C! Shampoo wins!  
  
Shampoo: AIYAA! Shampoo win!  
  
Mousse: What a second! First of all, there is no correct answer. And second, why aren't I on there?!  
  
Soun: I can make the answer be whatever I want. Nobody likes you and besides, I said PEOPLE not myopic orangeatangs.  
  
Mousse: You will pay for that remark once I finish eating my banana.  
  
Shampoo: Where Shampoo prize money?  
  
Soun: You don't get it yet, bimbo. You have to answer more questions.  
  
Shampoo: Damn.  
  
Soun: Okay, Shampoo, here's your question...  
  
Which of the following is not Ranma's fiancee`?  
  
A.) Shampoo B.) Ukyo C.) Akane D.) Ryoga  
  
Shampoo: Thinks That is hard one... Shampoo want use lifeline.  
  
Soun: You have to be the dumbest person on earth. Which lifeline do you want?  
  
Shampoo: Shampoo phone-a-friend, Ranma.  
  
Soun: Okay, let me just call him on his cell phone...  
  
*Brrring Brrring*  
  
Ranma: Picks up phone What?  
  
Soun: Answer Shampoo's question. You have 30 seconds, got it?  
  
Ranma: No.  
  
Shampoo: Who is not you fiancee`? Shampoo, Ukyo, Akane, Ryoga.  
  
(25)Ranma: That's easy. Akane.  
  
Soun: What?!  
  
Akane: What?!  
  
(20)Shampoo: Okay, thank Ranma. Bye-bye! Hangs up  
  
Akane: Turns to Ryoga Is there something you aren't telling us?!  
  
Ryoga: Blushes I, uh, I mean... um, I... you don't... ehehehe...  
  
Soun: You loose. Go away, Shampoo.  
  
Shampoo: But Shampoo no answer question!  
  
Soun: Your annoying. Next fastest finger question is...  
  
Put the following things in the order they made the sky blue.  
  
A.) Fairies B.) Penguins C.) Cheese D.) Bob  
  
Ryoga: WHAT?!?!  
  
Soun: Times up! And the answer is... B,A,C,D!  
  
Bob: Damn straight!  
  
Soun: Wow! The only one who got it right is Happosai.  
  
Happi: Yes! Jumps into chair Ask away, Soun!  
  
Soun: Ah... yes master. Your first question is...  
  
Ranma: Bursts in with a giant sack of live chickens and a can of beans HA! Now I have a really evil plan that will kill you all and get me on the show!  
  
Ukyo: But, Ran-Chan, if we're all dead there wouldn't be a show.  
  
Ranma: But... I worked so hard on this scheme and it was really hard to get these chickens on such short notice...  
  
Audience: Aaaaaaawwwwwww.  
  
Ranma: Ah, shaddup! Lets chickens loose, leaves  
  
Akane: I wonder what his plan was.  
  
Chicken: Bwoook!  
  
Happi: What's my question?!?!  
  
Soun: Er, uh, yes. It is...  
  
Where is the North Pole?  
  
A.) North B.) East C.) South D.) Bob  
  
Happi: That's easy! It's D!  
  
Soun: Is that your final answer?  
  
Happi: Yes.  
  
Soun: Is that your final answer?  
  
Happi: Yes. nods  
  
Soun: Is that your final answer?  
  
Happi: Yes. looks annoyed  
  
Soun: Is that your final answer?  
  
Happi: Yes. looks pissed  
  
Soun: Is that your final answer?  
  
Happi: Yes. balls fists  
  
Soun: Is that your final answer?  
  
Happi: YES GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!  
  
Soun: Cries Don't yell at me!  
  
Happi: Am I right?  
  
Soun: *Sniffle sniffle* Uhhmmm... Checks cards Yes, actually.  
  
Akane: What?!  
  
Mousse: You've gotta be kidding me!  
  
Bob: Points to pole on the top of his head Damn straight!  
  
Ukyo: This is madness...  
  
Ranma: Bursts in again Okay, okay. I've got it now. Pulls out large vaccuum and a pair of socks Now I'll get you all!  
  
Soun: Nooooo!!!!! Cries  
  
Audience: Gasps  
  
Ukyo: Ranma Honey, don't do it!  
  
Akane: You jerk! Cries  
  
Ryoga: Darling, don't do it!  
  
Mousse: HA! So it IS true!  
  
Soun: If you don't do it, you can be on, okay?  
  
Ranma: YAY! Pushes Happosai out of chair, sits down  
  
Happi: HEY! I was on!  
  
Soun: And you win... Digs behind his back Genma's collection of porno magazines!  
  
Happi: YAY! Runs off with them  
  
Genma: Nooo!!!  
  
Ranma: Hey, that one was mine!  
  
Soun: Okay, son. Your question is...  
  
What is the ratio of a two foot tall wall is traveling at a speed of 9.1 miles per nanosecond while eating a 4 foot 5 inch big cookie dough gob?  
  
A.) 1528.809 B.) 2 C.) 67.89 D.) Bob  
  
Ranma: I'll go with A.  
  
Soun: You loose. Go away now.  
  
Ranma: Grabs Soun by shirt collar Care to rephrase that, old man?  
  
Soun: Ahhh... uhhh.. ummm.... that is correct!  
  
Ranma: YAY!  
  
Audience: Applauds  
  
Akane: This is nuts!  
  
Ukyo: Picks her toenails  
  
Soun: Next question.  
  
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  
  
A.) a lot B.) a little C.) a pound D.) Bob  
  
Ranma: I give up. Give me a prize, now.  
  
Soun: Okay. Gives Ranma a boat paddle  
  
Audience: Applauds  
  
Ryoga: All right! Now Ranma can use that on me in bed! All stare Uhhhhh..... ehehe...  
  
Ranma: Knocks Ryoga out with paddle  
  
Ukyo: Asleep  
  
Mousse: Passed out  
  
Soun: Well, the only conscious contestant now is Akane.  
  
Akane: About time! Sits down  
  
Soun: Okay, hun, your question is...  
  
What is 2+2?  
  
A.)3 B.) 4 C.) 6 D.) Bob  
  
Akane: Thinks That's a hard one... I'm going to have to use a lifeline. Ask the Audience.  
  
Ranma: Ditz...  
  
Soun: 2% say it's A, 6% say B, 3% say C, and a surprising 89% think it's D.  
  
Akane: Okay, then I'll go with C.  
  
Ukyo: Wakes up  
  
Soun: You loose. Go away.  
  
Akane: I CANNOT LOOSE! I'm the most wonderful thing on earth. I'm on crack, do you hear me? Hits Soun and runs away  
  
Soun: YOU ARE GROUNDED, LITTLE MISSY!  
  
Ukyo: Sits in chair  
  
Audience: Silent  
  
Soun: Blinks  
  
Ukyo: Smiles  
  
Soun: Hello.  
  
Ukyo: Hello.  
  
Soun: You are the weakest link, goodbye!  
  
Ukyo: What...?  
  
Soun: You loose! Get lost!  
  
Ukyo: How could I loose without answering a question?!  
  
Soun: Because I hate you.  
  
Ukyo: Damn.  
  
Audience: Watches as Ranma and Ryoga make out  
  
Kodachi: Makes out with her brother, Tatewaki, in their seats  
  
Soun: GA!  
  
Mousse: Can I play now?  
  
Soun: No.  
  
Mousse: Okay.... Makes out with Genma  
  
Soun: Dies  
  
Shampoo: Walks in, keels over, and dies  
  
Ranma: Nooooooo!!!!!!! My bimbo!  
  
Ryoga: You'll move on, man.  
  
Ranma: Oh yeah. I forgot.  
  
Mousse: Falls out of a tree, breaks his neck, and dies  
  
Ukyo: Why was there a tree there?  
  
Bob: Damn straight.  
  
Genma: Nooo! My husband! Cries, dehydrates, and dies  
  
Ukyo: What the?  
  
Happi: Will you marry me, Ukyo?  
  
Ukyo: Of course! Dies  
  
Happi: Plays with corpse's boobs Heehee... Sufficates between them, dies  
  
Ryoga: That was sad. Dies  
  
Ranma: Noooo!!!!!!!  
  
Akane: Walks in smoking weed Heeheehee... hellp little penguin.  
  
Ranma: I'm not a penguin.  
  
Akane: Will you marry me?  
  
Ranma: Well, everyone else is dead, so why not? Kisses Akane  
  
Akane: Passes out  
  
Ranma: Throws up on Akane Heeheehee....  
  
Akane: mumbles  
  
Ranma: Steals the million dollars, kills Akane, and runs out laughing followed by his chickens  
  
Audience Guy: So... are we the audience or witnesses?  
  
Audience Girl: I want a boogar.  
  
Guy: Picks his nose, hands boogar to Girl  
  
Girl: YAY!!! *munch munch munch*  
  
Guy: Agar agar?  
  
Ranma: Runs in The End! Runs out, trips over a rock, and dies  
  
~*~  
  
Author's Notes: Please don't hate me... Ducks for cover and runs away 


End file.
